I’m taking the day off from work so that I can go on a dental adventure. This is pretty much the worst sort of parody of childhood freedom that adult life can offer. Thanks to the exciting world of health insurance (a system where I pay money to bet that I will get sick), I get to spend moderately less for the right to have a strange man drug me and go at my mouth with a knife.

Brush and floss, people. Brush. And. Floss.